Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Calgon, take me away!

Well, if the posting, or lack there of, on this site has illustrated anything to me, it's this: step life is hectic, tumultuous, and oh so busy! I have 3 calendars. A giant wall calendar, a pocket one (that I consistently forget to put in said pocket) and a kids school binder, complete with their school calendars, weekly highlights and activity notices. Whoah.

I'm sort of a homebody of sorts. I enjoy having things to do and places to go. But they used to pop into my mind an hour or so before an event, to which I would hustle, pull it together and get there on time. The other day, I couldn't find the phone that was pressed to my ear. A couple weeks ago, I tore my house apart for 30 minutes, seeking out the keys that were nestled in my purse.

I feel that the step life is a bit more difficult then nuclear family life. Married couples who live together first, have a home together, then bring children in, and learn their way through it together as they go have it made!

I've crash landed in the middle of lives that were churning away long before I showed up, have their own ideas of how things go and run, and are pretty well versed in the chaos of calendars, activities, cheer shoes, pack a lunch for the wrestling match, and the vital importance of always carrying tissues.
I'm holding my own, so far, but I now totally get where this lady is coming from:

Now THIS is how you get things done!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Weekenders

What type of step family are you? Are you the half with full custody? Share? Do you find that while custody is shared, your half seems to be far more actively involved than that other?

For my boyfriend and I, we're the weekenders. We have the kids every other weekend. During the week, there is some dropping off and picking up from school, and sometimes we get a random afternoon on an off weekend.

The arrangements are pretty fair, but not entirely fulfilling. We would love to have the kids more! I sort of feel that we miss out on a lot of parenting because we see them like the way you see a fun aunt and uncle. When we do have them, it's a whirlwind of homework, activities, heart to hearts (2 are preteens!), and movies.

But, the boyfriend works second shift, and weeknight overnights are not really an option right now. They could be, but I think that because we are not married, I lack legitimacy for the BM's (birth moms). And why is that? I do everything mom's do: laundry, cook, play board games, read books, tuck in, pick up, manage the calendar, ask about school, reprimand, and make sure everyone takes shoes off before going into the house.

I so badly want a more active role in their lives while they're still young. Soon enough, they'll be teenagers and won't want anything to do with us. Then they'll drive themselves, get jobs, date, go on to's all going to happen so fast!

What is your role in your step kids lives? Do you wish you had more time, or do you feel overwhelmed with how often you have them?