Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Weekenders

What type of step family are you? Are you the half with full custody? Share? Do you find that while custody is shared, your half seems to be far more actively involved than that other?

For my boyfriend and I, we're the weekenders. We have the kids every other weekend. During the week, there is some dropping off and picking up from school, and sometimes we get a random afternoon on an off weekend.

The arrangements are pretty fair, but not entirely fulfilling. We would love to have the kids more! I sort of feel that we miss out on a lot of parenting because we see them like the way you see a fun aunt and uncle. When we do have them, it's a whirlwind of homework, activities, heart to hearts (2 are preteens!), and movies.

But, the boyfriend works second shift, and weeknight overnights are not really an option right now. They could be, but I think that because we are not married, I lack legitimacy for the BM's (birth moms). And why is that? I do everything mom's do: laundry, cook, play board games, read books, tuck in, pick up, manage the calendar, ask about school, reprimand, and make sure everyone takes shoes off before going into the house.

I so badly want a more active role in their lives while they're still young. Soon enough, they'll be teenagers and won't want anything to do with us. Then they'll drive themselves, get jobs, date, go on to college...it's all going to happen so fast!

What is your role in your step kids lives? Do you wish you had more time, or do you feel overwhelmed with how often you have them?

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